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Vulpix.
21 years young.
a blog of memories and things to remember.
19.2.08
Tuesday

I'm getting quite tired of convincing my brain to think things and feel things that I don't actually feel.
I'm totally upset over the outcome of a particular incident, but I push my brain and make it believe that it doesn't matter; that I don't need that friendship anyway. But deep down, I'm crumbling away because that friendship, although we don't talk as much anymore, means so much to me. It's one of my reasons to live. But he probably doesn't get that.. or see that, and if I told him, he wouldn't care. Because now he hates my guts and it's all my fault. He won't even listen when I try to explain myself; tells me I'm nothing but a traitor. And hearing that from one of my most important people really does kill my heart. I'm glad that humans can disguise emotions because if we couldn't lie or hold ourselves together, I would be an absolute cascading mess of tears and mucus.

Slight change of topic: Today I realised I have absolutely no flipping idea what I want to apply for by way of University courses. The ones I really want to get into have an enter of above 90 which, although I know I'm not an utter dunce, I don't have a chance of getting into because I'm no Rusy Gallardo. I envy her brains, I really do.
I was kinda thinking that maybe I'd do sociology or something along those lines. But as much as I love to listen to people and am interested in people, you have to go for interviews for those courses and I'm not good at interviews. so blah. I'm thinking Arts at Melbourne is the way to go.
I've never said this out loud, but I wish I was in a band that would be a future success so that I could be a part of an industry I love and live an interesting life rather than one spent at a desk or wtfe. That's not going to happen, so instead I wish I could work overseas in poor countries, helping out the people in the villages or whatever. It'd fill my life with purpose. And that'd be really brilliant.

anyway. it's hot and the computer is filling up the room with its flaming heat and I have to go play netball soon. In the heat. Thumbs down, folks.

x

1 fat astronauts