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28.2.08
Thursday
I don't get it..
But everytime I get online..
Some huge big massive drama unfolds.
And I go from being in an okay or excellent mood to feeling rather crumby.
-10 points for whoever invented this thing they call the internetz.
But everytime I get online..
Some huge big massive drama unfolds.
And I go from being in an okay or excellent mood to feeling rather crumby.
-10 points for whoever invented this thing they call the internetz.
1 fat astronauts
27.2.08
Yen Quote of the Day
without a cause says:
what's wrong with ppl
without a cause says:
some are too fat
without a cause says:
and others are too skinny
your crying made me miss my favourite part says:
she's perfeeect
without a cause says:
if she was a kite
what's wrong with ppl
without a cause says:
some are too fat
without a cause says:
and others are too skinny
your crying made me miss my favourite part says:
she's perfeeect
without a cause says:
if she was a kite
2 fat astronauts
24.2.08
Little Later Sunday
In the words of Queen "I Want To Break Free"
i really do not like who i am. at all. get me out.
i really do not like who i am. at all. get me out.
1 fat astronauts
Sunday
I have come to the decision that for every time I complain needlessly, I shall put 50 cents in a huuuuge jar, and eventually, when that's full, I'll donate it to some charity.
My aim this week is to stop being such a negative, pessimistic lameoid and to try and see positives in everything, because duuude. I say hate like 4 billion times a day. It's so so silly.
I'm really incredibly tired. I did not get to sleep til like 3.30am and even then I slept for only 45 minutes or so on account I had Vlad continually rolling over, or snoring on my right, and Will twitching like he was having muscle seizures to my left. golly gosh. I got back to Rhi's house after last night's adventure at around 8.30ish this morning. Nick's was really fun. When we first got there (Rayel, Maddy, Rhi and myself), we went to the beeeach and it was very windy but the sky looked so spectacular. It got so windy, that we got sea-rained on so we had to go up to the train station to wait for Vlad and Nick to come meet up with us. And we also had to wait for the boiiiz and Geo&Brad. They didnt get there for like another hour or two. blarrggh.
But then we went back to Nick's and Rhi was very very noisy from
drinking too much vodkas and when I got back from going to the train station, she didn't know where I had gone, so I was literally crush-hugged by her for about 7000 years.
Anywaaay. Considering the title of this blog is Sunday, I'm supposed to be talking about Sunday. SO.. returning to 8.30 this morning, we wandered our way back to Rhi's place and I had to like, wriggle my way there because I really really needed to pee and I could hardly walk. We ended up lying on the couch watching The Shining, but I pretty much fell asleep in the middle of it and only woke up when my mum knocked on the door.
I came home, slept for an hour or two and then I had to go to wooork. Boo.
I seriously wonder why so many people while away the precious hours of their Sunday in a supermarket. Like, where's the thrill, maaan? It was chaos there today. I kept having to skip back and forth between the express lanes and the "I tell you I have 7 children but maybe i'm just lying to look normal" lanes. It was soo boring. And my eyelids were so heavy with boredom at one stage, I thought I might fall asleep or collapse with exhaustion at the flipping register.
My aim this week is to stop being such a negative, pessimistic lameoid and to try and see positives in everything, because duuude. I say hate like 4 billion times a day. It's so so silly.
I'm really incredibly tired. I did not get to sleep til like 3.30am and even then I slept for only 45 minutes or so on account I had Vlad continually rolling over, or snoring on my right, and Will twitching like he was having muscle seizures to my left. golly gosh. I got back to Rhi's house after last night's adventure at around 8.30ish this morning. Nick's was really fun. When we first got there (Rayel, Maddy, Rhi and myself), we went to the beeeach and it was very windy but the sky looked so spectacular. It got so windy, that we got sea-rained on so we had to go up to the train station to wait for Vlad and Nick to come meet up with us. And we also had to wait for the boiiiz and Geo&Brad. They didnt get there for like another hour or two. blarrggh.
But then we went back to Nick's and Rhi was very very noisy from
drinking too much vodkas and when I got back from going to the train station, she didn't know where I had gone, so I was literally crush-hugged by her for about 7000 years.Anywaaay. Considering the title of this blog is Sunday, I'm supposed to be talking about Sunday. SO.. returning to 8.30 this morning, we wandered our way back to Rhi's place and I had to like, wriggle my way there because I really really needed to pee and I could hardly walk. We ended up lying on the couch watching The Shining, but I pretty much fell asleep in the middle of it and only woke up when my mum knocked on the door.
I came home, slept for an hour or two and then I had to go to wooork. Boo.
I seriously wonder why so many people while away the precious hours of their Sunday in a supermarket. Like, where's the thrill, maaan? It was chaos there today. I kept having to skip back and forth between the express lanes and the "I tell you I have 7 children but maybe i'm just lying to look normal" lanes. It was soo boring. And my eyelids were so heavy with boredom at one stage, I thought I might fall asleep or collapse with exhaustion at the flipping register.
That's basically my day. And I need to go get dinner. And eat it. And then go to bed. SO I can catch up on some much needed shuteye.
x
1 fat astronauts
19.2.08
Tuesday
I'm getting quite tired of convincing my brain to think things and feel things that I don't actually feel.
I'm totally upset over the outcome of a particular incident, but I push my brain and make it believe that it doesn't matter; that I don't need that friendship anyway. But deep down, I'm crumbling away because that friendship, although we don't talk as much anymore, means so much to me. It's one of my reasons to live. But he probably doesn't get that.. or see that, and if I told him, he wouldn't care. Because now he hates my guts and it's all my fault. He won't even listen when I try to explain myself; tells me I'm nothing but a traitor. And hearing that from one of my most important people really does kill my heart. I'm glad that humans can disguise emotions because if we couldn't lie or hold ourselves together, I would be an absolute cascading mess of tears and mucus.
Slight change of topic: Today I realised I have absolutely no flipping idea what I want to apply for by way of University courses. The ones I really want to get into have an enter of above 90 which, although I know I'm not an utter dunce, I don't have a chance of getting into because I'm no Rusy Gallardo. I envy her brains, I really do.
I was kinda thinking that maybe I'd do sociology or something along those lines. But as much as I love to listen to people and am interested in people, you have to go for interviews for those courses and I'm not good at interviews. so blah. I'm thinking Arts at Melbourne is the way to go.
I've never said this out loud, but I wish I was in a band that would be a future success so that I could be a part of an industry I love and live an interesting life rather than one spent at a desk or wtfe. That's not going to happen, so instead I wish I could work overseas in poor countries, helping out the people in the villages or whatever. It'd fill my life with purpose. And that'd be really brilliant.
anyway. it's hot and the computer is filling up the room with its flaming heat and I have to go play netball soon. In the heat. Thumbs down, folks.
x
I'm totally upset over the outcome of a particular incident, but I push my brain and make it believe that it doesn't matter; that I don't need that friendship anyway. But deep down, I'm crumbling away because that friendship, although we don't talk as much anymore, means so much to me. It's one of my reasons to live. But he probably doesn't get that.. or see that, and if I told him, he wouldn't care. Because now he hates my guts and it's all my fault. He won't even listen when I try to explain myself; tells me I'm nothing but a traitor. And hearing that from one of my most important people really does kill my heart. I'm glad that humans can disguise emotions because if we couldn't lie or hold ourselves together, I would be an absolute cascading mess of tears and mucus.
Slight change of topic: Today I realised I have absolutely no flipping idea what I want to apply for by way of University courses. The ones I really want to get into have an enter of above 90 which, although I know I'm not an utter dunce, I don't have a chance of getting into because I'm no Rusy Gallardo. I envy her brains, I really do.
I was kinda thinking that maybe I'd do sociology or something along those lines. But as much as I love to listen to people and am interested in people, you have to go for interviews for those courses and I'm not good at interviews. so blah. I'm thinking Arts at Melbourne is the way to go.
I've never said this out loud, but I wish I was in a band that would be a future success so that I could be a part of an industry I love and live an interesting life rather than one spent at a desk or wtfe. That's not going to happen, so instead I wish I could work overseas in poor countries, helping out the people in the villages or whatever. It'd fill my life with purpose. And that'd be really brilliant.
anyway. it's hot and the computer is filling up the room with its flaming heat and I have to go play netball soon. In the heat. Thumbs down, folks.
x
1 fat astronauts
17.2.08
Later Sunday
Until just now..
I never realised how much 'I love you' can mean coming from somebody who isn't your family.
It actually fills me with a sense of worth. That I mean something to someone and matter to them is indescribable really.
I suppose the fact that 'I love you' is not just words i throw around lightly makes them that much more important and meaningful when I do hear them.
I don't feel so pessimistic now compared with my last blog.
love is like, the soul of life. Without it, life is nothing.
I never realised how much 'I love you' can mean coming from somebody who isn't your family.
It actually fills me with a sense of worth. That I mean something to someone and matter to them is indescribable really.
I suppose the fact that 'I love you' is not just words i throw around lightly makes them that much more important and meaningful when I do hear them.
I don't feel so pessimistic now compared with my last blog.
love is like, the soul of life. Without it, life is nothing.
1 fat astronauts
Sunday
Sunday : What I call the beginning of the week, even if Monday is a more suitable beginning.
Sunday is always the decider of my week...like, if I have a brilliant sunday, I'll have a brilliant week and vice versa.
So I can assure you, that this week for me, is going to be as terrible as my week TWO weeks ago.
Already I've told somebody something I shouldn't have, somebody I trust. And then they have to go and act like an absolute lameo and throw my trust back in my face by making sick jokes to the actual person when it's the most tragic, horrible thing that could possibly happen. And so now the actual person, well, one of the actual people involved, is super angry at me. And he's stubborn as all hell so he probably won't ever forgive me.
Everytime I try to do something right, or to try to get some help on something that can help me to comfort or help somebody else, I fuck up. Simple as that. I don't think I'm meant to help. I think I was better off as the person I used to be; the unbelievably shy girl who hardly spoke at all. Things were better that way. I really miss the days when I wasn't a teenager, because basically everything I've experienced as a teenager has been a huge let down. Hopefully the whole 'being a teenager' thing is the worst fragment of life and once I survive it, everything will even out and be okay.
Update on pokemon gold: I pwn'd Team Rocket and stopped the radio waves from effecting the gyrados. yayz.
I can't wait for this year to be over. So that I can just gtfo of my life for a while. See the world. Meet some strangers and maybe become friends. Meet some friends and strike up proper friendships. Understand myself properly and see who I am and what I want to be. It'd be brilliant.
Sunday is always the decider of my week...like, if I have a brilliant sunday, I'll have a brilliant week and vice versa.
So I can assure you, that this week for me, is going to be as terrible as my week TWO weeks ago.
Already I've told somebody something I shouldn't have, somebody I trust. And then they have to go and act like an absolute lameo and throw my trust back in my face by making sick jokes to the actual person when it's the most tragic, horrible thing that could possibly happen. And so now the actual person, well, one of the actual people involved, is super angry at me. And he's stubborn as all hell so he probably won't ever forgive me.
Everytime I try to do something right, or to try to get some help on something that can help me to comfort or help somebody else, I fuck up. Simple as that. I don't think I'm meant to help. I think I was better off as the person I used to be; the unbelievably shy girl who hardly spoke at all. Things were better that way. I really miss the days when I wasn't a teenager, because basically everything I've experienced as a teenager has been a huge let down. Hopefully the whole 'being a teenager' thing is the worst fragment of life and once I survive it, everything will even out and be okay.
Update on pokemon gold: I pwn'd Team Rocket and stopped the radio waves from effecting the gyrados. yayz.
I can't wait for this year to be over. So that I can just gtfo of my life for a while. See the world. Meet some strangers and maybe become friends. Meet some friends and strike up proper friendships. Understand myself properly and see who I am and what I want to be. It'd be brilliant.
1 fat astronauts
16.2.08
Saturday
Right now...I'm incredibly mad.
I love how there's always some absolute moron who has to think they know everything when in actual fact they know absolutely nothing because they're just so pathetic.
Considering Rhi is the only person who reads this blog, some uber hairy lameo has to take what happened on Saturday and make me out to be this terrible, unfeeling person. APPARENTLY, I didn't care that I cheated on Frenchie and apparently, because of what happened, I am nothing but a makeout slut who'll hook up with anybody just because. Ughhh. Like, I totally had this 'friend' trying to convince me to come to this party tonight just because he thought i'd makeout with him. Get a life. rarrrr.
Boys really do disgust me majorly sometimes.
In other news, I didn't wake up until 1.30 today. Last night, I went to Alex's where Sean helped me to pwn Whitney and Chris helped me catch Sudowood in Pokemon Gold. Heck yes! :)
I found a dress that I want for the formal today. It's flipping sweet but I'll have to make it myself or get a dressmaker to on account you can't buy it and it's a figment of my imagination but for an illustration some fabulous artist designed which I've altered in my head.
That is all. x
I love how there's always some absolute moron who has to think they know everything when in actual fact they know absolutely nothing because they're just so pathetic.
Considering Rhi is the only person who reads this blog, some uber hairy lameo has to take what happened on Saturday and make me out to be this terrible, unfeeling person. APPARENTLY, I didn't care that I cheated on Frenchie and apparently, because of what happened, I am nothing but a makeout slut who'll hook up with anybody just because. Ughhh. Like, I totally had this 'friend' trying to convince me to come to this party tonight just because he thought i'd makeout with him. Get a life. rarrrr.
Boys really do disgust me majorly sometimes.
In other news, I didn't wake up until 1.30 today. Last night, I went to Alex's where Sean helped me to pwn Whitney and Chris helped me catch Sudowood in Pokemon Gold. Heck yes! :)
I found a dress that I want for the formal today. It's flipping sweet but I'll have to make it myself or get a dressmaker to on account you can't buy it and it's a figment of my imagination but for an illustration some fabulous artist designed which I've altered in my head.
That is all. x
1 fat astronauts
10.2.08
I Am..
The worst person in the entire universe.
1 fat astronauts
8.2.08
Huit Fevrier
Adjusting what I said yesterday, Corey and Regan were broken up for approximately 10 hours, maybe less, idon'tknow. But they're back together again. Award for the fastest splitting/getting back together again? I think so. people do such irrational things when they're angry or upset.
Anyway...I started school later today because Mr Kevans wasn't there for English. I was all happy on account I got to sleep in but then connex had to go and be a huge piece of unreliable crap. I swear, Melbourne's transport system is the weakest, most lousy thing in the world. I got to the station at 9.20, with 6 minutes to spare, to find that in actual fact, there were another 25 minutes until that train came. So I figured that if it was due in 25 minutes, I'd still make it to school on time. 10 minutes later and the minutes decided to disappear, only to be replaced by the 9.40, which was arriving in UNKNOWN minutes. Taking out my phone, I discovered that it was already 9.45, so not only was the 9.26 cancelled, but the next one was awfully late as well. So I sprinted off home, woke up my brother and he drove me to school. Fin.
School was okay. Until Art. Lately I've realised that I am the most unartistic person in the universe, when I used to not be so bad at the whole 'drawing' thing. And believe me, it does not help when you have somebody who keeps judging your work; telling you it's not in the right perspective or not even close to what you're drawing observationally. So thanks to one Will Morrison, who's opinions I really should not give a fuck about, I got in a terrible mood. Whether I get mad, upset or nervy, the result of each of these emotions, in the end, is this massive need to cry.
Recently, I've realised that people either ignore crying or they can't deal with it, so I tried my utmost hardest to not cry on the way home. And if I talk when I feel like crying, I can't hold it back. So I stayed as silent as I could on the train, and cried listening to some fresh music while walking home by myself. Which, honestly, is the best way to cry.
I had to go to the doctor's today as well. And they burnt off my warts and they really sting. And if I hit them on the keys, they sting more. Ahh. I have such a poor threshold against pain.
Anyway...I started school later today because Mr Kevans wasn't there for English. I was all happy on account I got to sleep in but then connex had to go and be a huge piece of unreliable crap. I swear, Melbourne's transport system is the weakest, most lousy thing in the world. I got to the station at 9.20, with 6 minutes to spare, to find that in actual fact, there were another 25 minutes until that train came. So I figured that if it was due in 25 minutes, I'd still make it to school on time. 10 minutes later and the minutes decided to disappear, only to be replaced by the 9.40, which was arriving in UNKNOWN minutes. Taking out my phone, I discovered that it was already 9.45, so not only was the 9.26 cancelled, but the next one was awfully late as well. So I sprinted off home, woke up my brother and he drove me to school. Fin.
School was okay. Until Art. Lately I've realised that I am the most unartistic person in the universe, when I used to not be so bad at the whole 'drawing' thing. And believe me, it does not help when you have somebody who keeps judging your work; telling you it's not in the right perspective or not even close to what you're drawing observationally. So thanks to one Will Morrison, who's opinions I really should not give a fuck about, I got in a terrible mood. Whether I get mad, upset or nervy, the result of each of these emotions, in the end, is this massive need to cry.
Recently, I've realised that people either ignore crying or they can't deal with it, so I tried my utmost hardest to not cry on the way home. And if I talk when I feel like crying, I can't hold it back. So I stayed as silent as I could on the train, and cried listening to some fresh music while walking home by myself. Which, honestly, is the best way to cry.
I had to go to the doctor's today as well. And they burnt off my warts and they really sting. And if I hit them on the keys, they sting more. Ahh. I have such a poor threshold against pain.
'Tevz. Have a nice weekend, lovlz. x
1 fat astronauts
7.2.08
I actually really 100% enjoyed today. School was actually bearable for the first time this week and nothing bad has happened all day. Luck is on my side. Work was bearable also, thanks to Yen and Matt who came to visit. For future information, nappies do not come in sizes large enough for a Yen sized person and curling irons don't work on Matt-length hair. They really really made my night. It's amazing how simple things can make things just so much better. They even came back later, with Rusy, which might I add, is about time for Rusy. The bazillion times I have gone to see her at work, I think her presence for just 15 minutes while I'm at work was called for. Now we are even with the whole 'visiting-the-other-at-work' side of things. In other news, Corey and Regan broke up today. And I'm way sad about it because they're so beautiful together. Methinks Corey is making one megafactor mistake but I'm sure he'll realise it soon enough and they'll be together again. Or I really really hope so anyway.
0 fat astronauts
6.2.08
2008
4 days into school and I already have this opinion of the whole situation:
Year 12 is a monster; eating my soul and my heart with unbelievably cruel slowness. I don't think I've felt this tired or unmotivated since year 10. The days go as slow as they possibly can, consuming as much of my energy as possible before finally school releases me from its clutches. And then the afternoons/nights last for about 4 seconds, leaving me with no time for anything except thinking even more about school when I need nothing more than to escape from the dreaded place. It's really unspectacular.
Year 12 is a monster; eating my soul and my heart with unbelievably cruel slowness. I don't think I've felt this tired or unmotivated since year 10. The days go as slow as they possibly can, consuming as much of my energy as possible before finally school releases me from its clutches. And then the afternoons/nights last for about 4 seconds, leaving me with no time for anything except thinking even more about school when I need nothing more than to escape from the dreaded place. It's really unspectacular.
1 fat astronauts