let's go find a rainbow

29.8.10

^o^

I worked another full day at Bunnings today. I'm exhausted now. After another full day tomorrow, I will be completely ruined.

Even though I'm exhausted, I think that having my mind preoccupied with something, even something as monotonous as customer service, is a healthy thing. I was a bit iffy about having to go to work this morning but on arrival, my mood picked up. That's the great thing about a job that isn't full of shit people.. you get there and the fact that people will acknowledge you just about makes a shitty day ace. I got to work beside Mary, who was having one of those days. She'd arrived at work without anything but her car and keys and her day continued to be full of things gone wrong. Poor dear. Anyway, considering it was Spring Launch this weekend, popcorn was being given out for free and it was chaos. I have never in my life worked a day as busy as today; not even at Safeway. The day shot by thanks to so many people stocking up on plants and paint, but now I suffer such a long day via an eye-pinching headache that won't go away. I'll be drinking a tonne of water before I sleep tonight in the hopes of a cure. My grandma and uncle were over for dinner when I arrived home and two amusing moments came from that; my grandma asking for a towel in case she spilt her dinner everywhere and then later, talking about how my uncle was a beautiful ballroom dancer. I cannot even begin to imagine said Uncle having anything but two left feet when it comes to dancing, but I guess life can be surprising.

Now that I'm done talking shit about a relatively uneventful day, it is time I get onto the water-slugging and sleep away my exhaustion. Godspeed.

Labels: personal

0 fat astronauts

28.8.10

kitties for happies

Tears. Tears. Tears.
(♫and we love them♫)

Sometimes I feel like I'm ruining someone else's life just because they have the misfortune of knowing me.
Sometimes I hate people being nice because it just makes me want to cry.
Sometimes I don't like not understanding my emotions, but othertimes it feels okay.
Sometimes I want to talk about how I'm feeling but can't find the right person to tell.
Sometimes I know that I'd be better off far away, alone with nothing so all that matters is my survival and nothing else.
Sometimes I like being this miserable because when I get happy, it's ever so glorious.
Sometimes I think sleep is the only truly pleasant thing life has to offer.
Sometimes I get so empty and pessimistic, I wish it were possible to gradually fade away so that not a single soul ever notices. Not even the people that love me when they shouldn't.

0 fat astronauts

It's a Saturday and today is still full of fuck all because as usual there is fuck all to do.
Netball is cancelled.
Everybody is busy. Even my parents.
I'm contemplating returning to sleep. Especially considering the thirteen and a half hours I got last night were a fuck tonne better than being this bored and depresso.
I'm finding absolutely no joy in anything.
Reading, painting, music, TV, movies..
it's all so goddamn monotonous and boring.I can't find a single thing to keep me from feeling this crapola.

Fuck it, right? Because nothing that I do is getting me anywhere and nothing that I do will make the world a better place.
Because everything I do comes to an end. Just a memory. And when I die, nobody knows that it happened anyway.

0 fat astronauts

27.8.10

what if it's all just a dream

I'm finding it harder to be alone recently because being as such has this neat-o trick of having my mind break down into this numb empty orb of sadness.

Today, having done nothing of any substance, I'm finding that now that it's dark and it's a Friday and most people are out enjoying the company of friends, I can't help but feel tragically negative about my life. Again. I feel so warped of energy that I just want to cry and then fall into a dreamless sleep. My existence is relatively pointless in every way, shape and form and I'm not the greatest fan that these moods force me to see this.

It's as though every single time I get like this, the only thing on my mind about absolutely everything is: What the fuck is the point when we're all just going to die anyway?

goodnight.

Labels: personal

3 fat astronauts

blissful ignorance

I love animals so much I really really regret not having done some veterinarian-related course. Not a full vet course considering I could never have achieved an enter score that high, but vet nursing or something would have probably been fairly spectacular.

That said, I'm so sick of hearing about animals being burnt and beaten and mutilated and whatever else just because people want to seem badass. Get the fuck out. I pray that in the future the people that do this stuff and get away with it receive the same merciless punishment in return for their torturous ways. Go run yourself over with a car or die in a self-created fire. Thankyou very much, poor excuses for human beings.

And finally, this is an example of why animals are the greatest thing in the whole wide world. Thanks K-nan. Chau!

0 fat astronauts

25.8.10

another stiff at the scene of the crime

I find it strange that thinking about things from the past still has the ability to make me frown in anger or confusion. For some reason, I got to thinking about last year and particular circumstances.. all of which revolve around accusations really.

The moments I remember the best revolve around my consumption of too-much vodka, which is a bit bizarre considering the "Man, I was so wasted, I remember nothing!" response to a night of heavy drinking. Perhaps alcohol does nothing but clarify reality for me. I'm not exactly sure. I just know people get a whole lot less interesting in what they say but increase dramatically in how interesting they are in their actions when my blood is jam-packed with toxic sludge.

Nonetheless, returning to my original angry-frowns comment, I continue to this day to get giddily confused by how my own behaviour is so easily misconstrued by other people. To be honest, when on the tipsy-side of life, I feel as though I am very easily distracted and don't particularly pay anybody attention; spending most of my time being amazed by how dizzy I am and how exciting racing around is. However, going by the memory I am currently recalling, I am but a tease when I have alcohol in my system according to someone on that one night. And going by this memory, I can't make sense of that particular situation at all on account all I remember is sliding around on a kitchen floor in my socks and talking absolute crap through the confidence alcohol gives me. I am completely clueless as to why it is this memory is plaguing my thoughts tonight. But it seems important. Super weird.

Anyway. Besides this crap, I wish I was Abed Nadir because his attitude is the greatest thing in the entire world, Bono is pretentious and I get so much joy out of viewing other people's happiness. Adios.

Labels: personal

0 fat astronauts

24.8.10

independent MPs in a lock down

SO I JUST FOUND OUT A BIT OF INFORMATION THAT IS RELATIVELY COOL TO ME THAT I NEVER KNEW BEFORE.

Don't You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds was written specially for The Breakfast Club, which actually makes the song a thousand times more awesome to me than it was before. And even before I had so much love for this song it's completely overwhelming. The world has made me proud today on this fact alone.

Unfortunately, feeling extra negative today, I've felt like dying over the language skills of first language English speakers, that woman in the UK who dumped a kitty in a bin and my hormonal downfalls. I've also felt like dying over the lame-factor involved in the Tell Somebody They're Beautiful Day <3. I think it is the most soppy shit I have ever seen on facebook yet. It reminds me ever so much of Valentine's Day in that people think it's necessary to hold a day for something to actually be done or said or recognised. Surely people shouldn't need reminders as to when and where it is appropriate to say what you feel. In other news though, there's a free scooter at the park near to my house. Somebody has totally ditched the poor thing in a pile of milky-glug water. In the exact same spot, my puppy found herself with a brand spanking new pair of mud socks.

I guess you can't really see them as well here, but the backs of her legs were black. She's like a mothereffing deer. Such a scallywag. In conclusion, I think that films are one of the few things these days that inspire me. That and this puppy's excitement when it comes to exploring nature.

Labels: babble

0 fat astronauts

22.8.10

the wonders of not living for eternity

Can't wait til I get old enough to re-live babydom. It appears you reach a certain age and again it is completely acceptable to throw tantrums, soil your panties and get everything you want for free. But wait, there's more! As pointed out to me by a friend, you also have the ability to get the best seats on public transport, you can hit children with your walking stick (and get away with it. SOZ ERNIE DINGO) and sulk as often as you want to the extent that you want. It might be kinda cool to scare the shit out of young children with false teeth as well.
ahhhhhhhhh, futuristic time of old age find me now!

Labels: observation

0 fat astronauts

without a picture to match it's substance

It's been the most beautiful of Springy weather days today. That said, I could not bathe in it's blissful warmth on account for the last 7 hours, I have been doing the deeds of a good citizen and serving my fellow man (a.k.a working).

One bonus about a job that isn't 2 years old is that attending your shifts is not unbearable or depressing, so I went to work in relatively good spirits. They remained for a fair while but approximately 2 hours in, I took a bit of a sad-wards tumble. I think it was simply to do with a possible visitor I expect to be unsurprised by in a couple more days. In any case, I found that my eyes were like glazed donuts because they were seeing nothing and I felt completely unenergised. However, that changed pretty damn fast when I realised that a blast from my past was waiting in my line and I steadily became more and more anxious to the extent my face blushed, I started shaking and I couldn't concentrate on anything around me. Luckily, things weren't as horrible as I'd imagined and I calmed down a lot a lot a lot and actually found myself feeling a lot happier after talking to him. I can't and don't feel I will ever understand why I am so terrified of some people.

Anyway, the rest of the day was a blur of customers and hardware and having offered to stay on an extra 2 hours, I got kinda pissy when I was asked to get trollies, told we didn't need them, then told to tidy them up in the bays downstairs. Having had no food for 5 hours and wanting to just rest my goddamn feet, I ended up finished a whole two and a quarter hours later than my arranged shift. In a way though, I really did need those extra hours of money. I think I am cursed when it comes to work though, because I leave one job due to not getting any shifts only to find myself in another job whereby the exact same thing is happening because multi-billion dollar businesses are the fucking dodgiest stinge-bags the world will ever know. I mean, they obviously can't spare a few extra bucks to give people the money they need to survive.

And that's my goddamn fucking day. And this is a terribly bland blog but I don't give a fuck because I'm really fucking hungry and dinner is finally ready and I can go eat my feelings away like the true blue gal I am.

Labels: personal

0 fat astronauts

20.8.10

walk away from here

Not having the best of days. After yesterday, I have had absolutely nothing to do for all of today and therefore, find myself lapsing into this sort of semi-sadness.

Even though I slept a full 10 hours (I've been sleeping amazingly long this past week), I found that today the mixture of sadness and boredom provided me with insta-sleepy. I've been so tired all day but knew sleeping wouldn't fix anything. Such is a lesson I learnt very well on Sunday. In any case, to take my mind off my dismal mood I took my low spirits and transformed them into creativity. In this case, the creativity was painting and while I'm not a professional or particularly good at drawing and what not, it did help to distract me from lonely, miserable thoughts.

Unfortunately, painting does not last forever so this evening I've been struggling to maintain being awake and content. I managed to start mutilating my self esteem through insults and unhappy thoughts about everything ranging from my height, to my weight, to my happiness, to my hair and back to my height. I can't stand that I tower over most females (looming over my aunt and mother started this one), I hate how limp and unflattering my hair is in any hairstyle I adore, I can't stand how when I feel this lame everybody seems a thousand times happier than I could ever manage and I hate that I feel gross being a double-digit dress size.
Fuck you, society. Not just for your pollution and pointless lifestyles, but for the impossible levels of beauty I feel I have to reach to feel content with myself. Because of your high standards, on regular occassions I feel like I amount to nothing in comparison to your idolised conceptions of what's meant to be. fffuuuu-

Labels: personal

1 fat astronauts

19.8.10

it's always raining caterpillars

I'm going to make the best housewife in the whole wide world. Of course.. I'll be the absolute best because I won't get into the whole promiscuous phase and ruin my husband's ego because I'm relatively faithful to good morale.

I have come to this conclusion after yet another day of being the family maid free of charge. Going with the correct order of nature and what God implanted in our heads, I am a true female because not only am I willing to clean up the filth of others (mine included) but I actually enjoy it. And furthermore, I'd win Housewife of the Year every year because I already mother my loved ones through cakes and smiles and the best damn advice a person can give freely. Today, I managed to combine ironing, folding, vacuuming, tidying, re-organising, cooking, dish-washing, dish arranging and shopping all into the 7 hours I have been awake. Well, I guess it's longer than that but after around 7pm, the shop closes and I become a slug that stares at a computer screen absorbing cinematic genius. Might I add that alongside of my womanly chore-completions, I managed to find time to exercise. Obviously by now, I'm the most awesome prospective wife any smart motherfucker could possibly obtain.

Now that I have modestly finished bragging about my super proper lady skills, I bring you this announcement. I just watched City of God and it's kind of in your face but very awesome in every possible way. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that it is based on a true story and that Portuguese appears to be French and Spanish strapped together in a big explosion of awesome. I'd kill to learn Portuguese now but I can't even get the hang of Spanish. Bawwwbye.

Labels: babble

0 fat astronauts

17.8.10

don't call me white

If there is one very minor thing in life that creates extreme satisfaction, I promote the negative response to ticket inspectors.

I get cheap thrills from being able to range my negative responses from staring at them like they are the scum of the Earth to simply staring past them with the most bland expression I can muster. I know it's just their job, but let's face it: A ticket inspector has a similar attitude to that of a filthy teenager who spends his weekends searching for some sweet, sweet pussy. Such an attitude asks for nothing but the mocking of a lifetime, hence why I found myself greatly appreciative of an absurdly obese one I caught a glimpse of on a super merry tram journey late this afternoon.

Keeping on track with the public transport theme, I have a couple of pet hates relating to this. It is awfully uncomfortable to be seated quite comfortably in your seat only to have somebody get on board, seat themselves opposite you and lean forward into your personal space. I assume these are the same people who don't understand personal space in any circumstance, especially in safe-conversation environments. It's extremely awkward. Even worse than this is poor hygiene. I have no issues with nose blowing, scratching, whatever, but it is the uncoolest thing when you scratch your nose for snot clumps and then pretend to bite at your nails in a poor attempt to hide the fact you're eating your nasal residue. Epic fail.

That's all, folks.

Labels: observation

2 fat astronauts

too much water with my oats

(Please ignore the emotional instability involved within my last blog)
Things I have noticed and/or decided:

- The term "covet" seems to be a very popular word of recent. Especially in the world of fashion bloggers and vogue forums. In approximately a week, I swear to have encountered it's presence around 7 times. Which is a pretty regular thing, considering that means it flows into my sight once a day.

- My cat has her very own solar panel, placed cleverly upon her spiny cat back. It works wonders.. for you see, her love of lazing about in the sun has increased pleasure simply because her solar panel absorbs more heat than if she were to be all white. Lucky beast.

- When I have my very own house, I will have at least 2 cupboards in my kitchen completely dedicated to beverages (more so the warm type than the cold type). I hope to have within this titles such as chai, raspberry, english breakfast, earl grey, chamomile, peppermint, rose and herbal teas as well as typical monstrosities like milo, akta-vite, strawberry nesquik and whatever else just so happens to be trendy at the time.

- The only time I am extra motivated in the creativity venture is when my emotions are at a particular peek of a particular emotion. Which kinda sucks really because this year my main emotion appears to be apathy. And as a whole, apathy's creative streak involves drawing a red line in a yellow box and understanding it to make complete sense, when in fact it's just a red line in a yellow box and not this profound emotional expression..

- Oats can only take so much water. And this is a hard lesson I've had to learn today.

Labels: observation

2 fat astronauts

15.8.10

my happiness in a nutshell

Recently I feel like the majority of people in my life are a reminder of just how much I seem to fail at everything I do and plan for.

As the second child in a household where the first child is a success at absolutely everything he does and gets everything he ever goes for, it's kind of noticeable just how hopeless I am at following suit. I don't think I have outrageous dreams, but nonetheless, they are unobtainable anyway. Considering my brother is perfect (he has a job that gives him plenty of work, he's incredibly intelligent with a degree to prove it, he's charismatic and has uncountable friends, he's constantly travelling the world and achieving his goals), I feel that to my parents, I am the daughter of disappointment. Because really... how can I even begin to compare? Even with two jobs, I work only once a week, I am mediocre in my studies and I never ever have the cash to travel. I also have close to no social life. I don't mean to sound resentful but it seems the only thing I'm recognised for by my parents is my generosity. I sure as hell can't do anything right by my mother. I'm the butt of all her frustrations when she's in a bad mood, which is surely an indication of how much I disappoint her. Anger nearly always speaks the truth.

I guess I'm just tired of being incapable of getting anywhere. I'm a nobody, yes, but that doesn't mean it's okay to fail at absolutely everything. Because no matter what, my parents will sure as hell notice and point out to me just how much this is true every single day of my pathetic little life. I'm so tired.

Labels: personal

0 fat astronauts

i'm soooo interesting. read me.

Just a few late night thoughts:

I regret having ever thought that NOFX might live up to my expectations.
Telstra suck balls. Well, I wish but they are a pretty tragic company when it comes to value for money.
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World is a relatively awesome experience.
Crying twice this evening has made my eyes feel like dead weights.
I enjoy evenings when I have been out without makeup and come home content with my pale complexion.
What is even the point of voting Greens? Not only is it a dud vote, they are against animal testing and want only to use renewable energy. If you're so for this, please discontinue using lifesaving medications and hospital services, get off your computer and return to candles. I wish you well.
Upcoming film, Vampires Suck, carefully pick yourself up and deliver yourself to the nearest rubbish bin alongside of every terrible spoof movie of which you proceed.
Spring is coming. And i'm excited.

Fin

Labels: babble

0 fat astronauts

12.8.10

bix

Today I have found myself experiencing both the positive and negative sides to being a woman.

It's not that I haven't before, but generally if I do, I experience the very typical aspects such as monthly blood payments, squirting out babies (well not yet, but that is a negative), being complimented simply 'coz you got tits and being crazy and getting away with it (these are obviously the positives).
So behold the womanly experiences I had the pleasure of learning today!

I'll begin with the positive experience, simply because it is the easiest to get out of the way. Having almost nothing to do with my time due to no work, no play, no anything, I have been appointed the maid of this household. Basically, because my parents work every single day and because my brother is busy preparing for France, it is my duty to wash, clean, iron.. && whatever else. Today I became an iron-bitch. And I discover this. The most magnificent thing about being a woman is that when it comes to ironing, your clothes are the most manageable. So long as you're single, ironing will be a breeze. Soon as a man comes into your life, you're in trouble because his ridiculously large shirts are an absolute motherbitch to de-crease. Just an incredibly lifesaving observation really.. NEVER LIVE WITH A MAN.

As for my negative experience, I revert back to the whole body image fiasco pretty much 90% of all women face. As one of the faces behind this 90%, I have for about a month now been attempting to improve my health and fitness through walking, dancing and exercises. I make sure to walk or dance every day for no less than 30 minutes and every night before I pass out I spend 15 or so minutes doing my tone-up exercises. Anyway.. so far it's going pretty damn well if I do say so myself. I feel healthier and everything is firming up incredibly nicely. ;)
BUT ALAS, NO. You see.. today i realised there is something stopping me from perceiving myself as toned and slender at certain angles. It is none other than these mammoth lumps that feel it necessary to inhibit my view of the rest of my figure by sitting firmly attached to my chest. These motherfuckers are out to stop me from appearing slim simply because they add volume to my relatively alright (at the moment) shoulders. It's an absolute outrage. They're not even milking breasts so surely they should behave themselves and sit in proportion with the rest of my body. Basically, that's my negative woman experience. Boobs really fucking suck. Adios, friends.

Labels: observation

0 fat astronauts

11.8.10

just a bit of a bitch about relatively anything

There are far too many things today that are grinding on my very agitated gears.

For one, it is REALLY fucking cold. And for some reason I am not allowed to turn on the heater.
I'm really not sure why that is. Just an energy-saving plan put in place by the parentals, I guess.

Second up, I have far from a soft spot for the Commonwealth Bank. Having made my decision to visit one of their ruddy branches to cancel my account, the employee tells me that I shouldn't be getting charged monthly fees if I'm a student. Fair enough.. but that doesn't change how for the last year and however much more I've been docked 4 dollars every month. She tells me that I should have come in to see them once the charges started. But honestly? I'm not going to spend a bunch of my time dealing with a flow of phone calls to 7 different people attempting to prove my identity so I save $36 a year. Fuck that.

Thirdly, the ridiculous differences in price between a product here and a product in the US is just another dampner on my day. Let's take a look at a particular pair of military boots I encountered on an Australian site ($250) and an American site ($102). Both are, in the end, going to add charges for postage, however if my calculations are correct, US$102 is approximately AU$112. That said, if the postage sets me back US$20, I'm still saving around $100 of my money. Get your game on Australia, before everybody picks up on this and the economy suffers because the majority of money is heading upwards to places like China and the United States.

I just realised that items 2 and 3 clearly illustrate my stingey nature...

Number four brings me to questioning why people are so incapable of letting alone things that have absolutely nothing to do with them. The reason behind this irritation stems from what a friend told me earlier today about people feeling they have the right to make judgements on something they know nothing about. I thought that by the time we reached 20 years of age, people would have matured enough to know that the relationship between two people is just that. A relationship between two people. Not two people and a bunch of bystanders who get to decide and approach one of the two people and tell them they think their relationship with two of two is artificial, pretend, whatever. "Hi, I think you are living a pretend lifestyle.. OH BTW I NEVER OUTGREW THIRTEEN!!11!!ONE!!"
You're so cool I can feel your chill from here.

Lastly, what irritates me more than a bunch of fleas released into my wardrobe, is this ongoing attack upon my brain. My thoughts attack me enough without a continous outside source constantly telling me how stupid I am. I'm not stupid. Yes, my speaking skills are fairly tragic and can at times make me appear rather dim, but this in no way indicates my levels of intelligence. I'm sick to death of always being put down. None of my ideas are wrong, simply because they are mine. Not anybody else's. So I'd respect it very much if you'd just stop telling me how stupid I am and start just accepting that my ideas are different to yours.

And to conclude this blog full of irritation, HICCUPS. that is all.

Labels: babble

1 fat astronauts

9.8.10

jibble jabble

This is my 8th day of August.

1 fat astronauts

5.8.10

chrome

I really need to find something that implants in my head the belief that life isn't just this monotonous bore that I face every single day.

It would be rather pleasant to be able to wake up and not feel like everything I do and everything I say is a waste of time. I tire of my constant perspective that with death at the end, the effort is barely worth the time. I want to get excited for things. I want to feel happiness like I did before reality struck me out cold and I never fully recovered.

I just want to be able to suck in a vast breath of air and be thankful that I have the ability to do so. To be thankful that I'm alive. It's not like I'm in lust with death but somedays I really couldn't care less whether or not I am alive. I can't say I ever really feel breathlessly thankful that I exist. But I'd like to feel that. Currently more than anything.

0 fat astronauts

1.8.10

chiller

It gets so very very easy to hate things. I hate this, I hate that, I hate them. So I'm going to try my very hardest not to voice my hates and to instead only voice my loves/likes.

I really like getting sleepy on public transport (the possibility of having your bag stolen is not so nice though).
I also like being able to crawl into bed after a pretty long day.
I like when shifts at work go fast and the customers are friendly and chatty.
I ~~like~~ love my boyfran and his cuddles.
I like my semi-retarded friends.
I like when I am able to vacate a location that brings me misery with it's cheap tunes.
I really like candy corn!
I like good music. A lot. Especially the kind that has this radiating envelope of energy.
I love hard cover books and books with beautiful artworks as the cover.
I like everything folk-related. Especially ancient and medieval folk-lore.
I love that I can end this blog now that I've fulfilled (partially) a promise of positivity.

1 fat astronauts