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Vulpix.
21 years young.
a blog of memories and things to remember.
15.8.10
my happiness in a nutshell

Recently I feel like the majority of people in my life are a reminder of just how much I seem to fail at everything I do and plan for.

As the second child in a household where the first child is a success at absolutely everything he does and gets everything he ever goes for, it's kind of noticeable just how hopeless I am at following suit. I don't think I have outrageous dreams, but nonetheless, they are unobtainable anyway. Considering my brother is perfect (he has a job that gives him plenty of work, he's incredibly intelligent with a degree to prove it, he's charismatic and has uncountable friends, he's constantly travelling the world and achieving his goals), I feel that to my parents, I am the daughter of disappointment. Because really... how can I even begin to compare? Even with two jobs, I work only once a week, I am mediocre in my studies and I never ever have the cash to travel. I also have close to no social life. I don't mean to sound resentful but it seems the only thing I'm recognised for by my parents is my generosity. I sure as hell can't do anything right by my mother. I'm the butt of all her frustrations when she's in a bad mood, which is surely an indication of how much I disappoint her. Anger nearly always speaks the truth.

I guess I'm just tired of being incapable of getting anywhere. I'm a nobody, yes, but that doesn't mean it's okay to fail at absolutely everything. Because no matter what, my parents will sure as hell notice and point out to me just how much this is true every single day of my pathetic little life. I'm so tired.

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