Even though I slept a full 10 hours (I've been sleeping amazingly long this past week), I found that today the mixture of sadness and boredom provided me with insta-sleepy. I've been so tired all day but knew sleeping wouldn't fix anything. Such is a lesson I learnt very well on Sunday. In any case, to take my mind off my dismal mood I took my low spirits and transformed them into creativity. In this case, the creativity was painting and while I'm not a professional or particularly good at drawing and what not, it did help to distract me from lonely, miserable thoughts.

Unfortunately, painting does not last forever so this evening I've been struggling to maintain being awake and content. I managed to start mutilating my self esteem through insults and unhappy thoughts about everything ranging from my height, to my weight, to my happiness, to my hair and back to my height. I can't stand that I tower over most females (looming over my aunt and mother started this one), I hate how limp and unflattering my hair is in any hairstyle I adore, I can't stand how when I feel this lame everybody seems a thousand times happier than I could ever manage and I hate that I feel gross being a double-digit dress size.
Fuck you, society. Not just for your pollution and pointless lifestyles, but for the impossible levels of beauty I feel I have to reach to feel content with myself. Because of your high standards, on regular occassions I feel like I amount to nothing in comparison to your idolised conceptions of what's meant to be. fffuuuu-