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Vulpix.
21 years young.
a blog of memories and things to remember.
20.11.09
bit of anger and frustration

Currently back to not quite understanding where I stand in life.


From the evenings events I have:
- been discretely labeled average
- realised I can see through things that people say
- realised I don't understand a person I thought I knew
- felt inadequate
- been reminded of a person i'm trying not to be reminded about
- understood that alive or dead, genuinely it is no one but your family who actually gives a shit.

Ironic that staying in and having nothing to do often leaves you depressed yet going out and facing people can also have the same effect. I don't particularly have any major reason as to why I've taken such a turn in my perception but something clunked inside my head that's left me now thinking that people are sad, sad individuals. And I am one, which sucks even more. I'm just as selfish. Just as conceited. Just as blah.



Tonight, I realised for the first time in my life being able to talk a lot is not always a good thing. Seriously? Shut your goddamn mouth if you know that what you are saying is absolute trash. It's really not as hard as you may have lead yourself to believe. Now I know I'm a slave to babble when I'm nervous and usually I consider it a good thing, but if i have ever and should I ever talk crap to the extent I listened to tonight, I'm so ashamed it's barely imaginable. I'm not attempting to be unkind, or maybe I am, but I swear to God, there should be a law enforced as to the limit on how much you can bore somebody with your word vomit. There is no fucking way anybody can be oblivious to how uninteresting their speech is.
Furthermore, speaking as though to the person this is directed at, I don't know who the fuck your usual victims are, but if you really think you're going to get into somebody's pants by telling them they are cute and intelligent, you've got another thing coming. Also stressing how amazing it is to talk to somebody that reads books isn't charming. Are there really girls out there that this crap works on? Once more, I'm ashamed if this is the case. But this time it's in reference to being female.
And lastly, I'm not interested in your opinion if I am only ordinary looking. So average girls are better to wake up to than a hottie from last night? I don't want to know. Call me pretty. Call me cute. Call me beautiful. And even if I reject your compliment and even if it's untrue, at least this way I don't have to get home and cut myself up over it wondering what I can possibly do to fix my inadequacies. Thankyou.

Basically fuck this night. It's full of terrible itches that are going to take more than a blog and a good night's sleep to scratch. I'm disappointed in you, society. Grow some balls and maybe we can be friends.

0 fat astronauts