And so it has happened again. The second time in two weeks that I wake up from a dream that I didn't really want to wake up from; the reason being that said dreams were better than my reality. As well as this, the simple happenings seem so amazing that my mood lifts optimally.

Being excessively interested in astrology and the like, I can't help but dream-dictionary up my dreams whenever I remember them. Not that they're generally very hard to figure out. I tend to believe that the things in your dreams that make you truly happy on awakening are the things in your life that you're missing the most. What I can never figure out is the reason for the constant appearance of particular people in dreams. Perhaps that too is significant of the whole 'dreaming what you want' scenario. And if this is the case, then alas! I can successfully muster the heart to push away how I feel when I'm awake, but in dreams, I am constantly reminded of the person and thus, my subconscious forces me to see what I'm actually wishing for.

I'm still too afraid to get involved with new people for the lame reason that I'm terrified such action will tear my friendships apart again and leave me with crappy anxiety and self esteem issues again. I can see that most people are generally decent (when not in a 'customer' role) but this is actually one of the hardest things for me to accept right now. The extent to which I've been burnt by events this year goes deeper than I'd originally thought. And I say this because I've been analysing my perception of the world to the extreme recently. It needs to change so that I can change, grow and move on from it too.

In a non-thoughtful, vain final phrase, I was yesterday told by a hairdresser that she'd love to use me as a hair model. I can't be sure what the fuck she saw and I'm willing to believe she was just being super sweet because I still perceive myself to be ordinary with nothing exceptional to offer looks-wise. Nonetheless, it was a lovely thing to hear considering compliments are slowly deteriorating in my neck of the woods. ~F i n~