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Vulpix.
21 years young.
a blog of memories and things to remember.
23.12.09
hold my little hand, baby

Currently extensively emotional. Strange really, considering today was a decent day. Heat is not my friend when like this.


I've felt light headed since a startling awakening this morning. My mind is simply chaos. I'm tired of this life. And by no means do I mean that I wish to end it. I'm just tired of being nobody, being nowhere, being nothing. I don't know anybody and the people I talk to most are invisible bodies I never have the pleasure of meeting in real life. I'm a sad sorry pathetic excuse of a person in the shape of a nerd. Hellooo basement dweller future. The internet has become my social existence. Without it, I truly am nobody.



And furthermore, contributions to self-loathing fall within an increasing distaste in my appearance again. The day I get over this will possibly be the end to many of my self confidence problems. But with eye bags like this, fail cheek bones and a slug of a mouth, it's tough going looking at my face and thinking it's anything but disappointing. My current disposition is so far doomed at the moment any image of a girl calling herself ugly enrages me, for my perception is entirely opposite. Especially when I recall the images I have of myself. I was kinda cute as a sixteen year old. I have no idea what the fuck happened. When I get like this I contemplate visiting a psych, simply because with this mind frame, seeing myself in a mirror either makes me incredibly angry or incredibly sad. Lose of a situation for definite.

Concluding thoughts: My state is my own fault. But I feel trapped within it. This far in it's too difficult to perceive myself as anything but a strange, unlikeable boring girl buried away from society because she's too scared to face it.
Typically.. FML, for real.

0 fat astronauts