Wish I weren't so bitter.

Wish I weren't so boring.

When I complain of feeling down or whatever to mum, she puts it down to not going out enough, not spending enough time with people, not leaving the house, so on and so forth. but how is that appropriate when the day after I leave the house, my mood/spirits are the same/if not worse than they were before I went out.
Going out has shut down my self esteem once again. I feel unattractive in all forms. Shapeless, chubby, ugly and even personality wise too; boring, uninteresting, i could go on here but i don't want to get carried away. I just want to go to sleep for a few months so I don't have to face reality. Maybe that is really why my life is so boring. It's me that's the issue. I'm so boring that my boring aura encases everything and kills all the joy/interestingness that could possibly be occurring were I different. Maybe seeing a psych would be a really really decent idea afterall. My head is a fucking uninterpretable pile of mulch. I want to fix my perceptions and judgements but I just can't figure out how. Mum's advice of changing my attitude and they way I think just doesn't cut it. How the fuck do you even do that when you're so lost to begin with? I just can't understand. :/