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Vulpix.
21 years young.
a blog of memories and things to remember.
26.7.10
see the waves

I have a nemesis.. and it is my mind.


To be honest, I'm tired of this see-saw shit that comes with being human (I can only assume that it is just human). What on earth is wrong with a steady, stable level of everything? I'm pretty sure I'd be a more contented being were it that my mood remained in the very middle of happy and sad. If this were the case, I can further assume that I would not have half as many issues with my self esteem and my confusion about everything would be numbed to the absolute so that I could simply enjoy all the good that I have.

I don't like that I can go a few days feeling confident in myself and confident in the direction I am headed, only to be completely felled by a photograph or a comment or even just the ridiculous mood-mixers that are my hormones. I dislike further still that I will at one time feel so very strong and independent only to become this quivering, sobbing wet mess with the dependence of a 3 day old baby.

And somewhat related but otherwise not, I wish with all my heart that love could be enough. But through experiencing this fragment of my life, I am beginning to see that believing such a thing sings ignorance and fantasy. Man, I really really fucking hate complications and the greyscale. Give me black and white anyday.

0 fat astronauts