I am absolutely terrible at letting go of the past. Even when it has changed for good. Technically such a flaw is probably a natural human response to history that we adored. But generally some people are stronger than others.

While I don't consider myself weak, I'm not the strongest person in the world either. I can move forward but at the same time, I struggle to forget and quit missing how things used to be. Understandably people change but it's a major kick in the teeth when their change is so exponentially explosive, there's no room for you in their life anymore. Whether this is just how life turns out to be, or whether there is some unfortunate poison in my character that eventually chases people away, being dismissed or forgotten is an inescapable aspect of the way things are.

Thus, idling memories begin:

C - I miss your caring. your authenticity. your mood swings. the way we would spend hours trying to cheer one another up. The way you lived your life like there was nothing to lose and only everything to gain.

M - I miss seeing you every weekend. How we'd talk every day. When there was indestructible trust between us. Zelda sessions early Sunday mornings. Deep and meaningful conversations at any time of the day. Our friendship.

A - I miss seeing you every weekend as well. How I used to know everything about you (now I know nothing). Visiting you late at night. Being your best friend. Eating ice cream out of your freezer. Watching movies all the time and babbling to you and never once having you tell me I'm weird or strange or stupid.

Y - I miss knowing how naive and idiotic you are but loving you to death for it. Our stupid bets of the future. Excessive missions to faraway places to go shopping. Your cute little oblivious head. Your never ending teasing. How awesome a friendship we once had.

It's almost as though, school finishes and everything scatters and changes and nobody is really brave enough to lasso to their heart every important sacred pixel of beauty they had in the people they knew during the most emotional years of their lives. Give me a time machine, spurs and a whip, and I'd race right back into the past to gather it all together and savour everything I feel I am losing or have lost today.